The half-full, half-empty glass: from a frustrated little angel’s heart…

Posted: March 13, 2012 by Ankur in Writes...
Tags: , ,

I’m in one of those moods where you want to scream “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH!” on top of your lungs in the middle of… wherever you are, and obviously you can’t because you are oh-so-sophisticated to do that. Sophistication, my foot. It’s like one of those moments when you don’t care if the glass of water is half empty or half full; you just want to drink it and get it over with. Or rather pour the freaking water over your head in the hope that it would wash away all the goofed up thoughts in your head.

So let me seize the opportunity- and I know this phrase is overtly clichéd- to tell you, my dear friends and strangers, what to do when you’re sad. What do I think I am to think I can tell you what to do, you ask? Well, I’m Mansi and you can read the first line of the piece again to know how much I care to answer your questions.

Half-filled glassSo let us start with the basics. First, we’ll go on to describe our situation. By ‘our’ I mean all the people who are very sad or angry or frustrated or whatever-freaking-feeling you’re experiencing. Or for people who, like me, have no idea of what’s happening in their lives and are always on the go without knowing where they’re heading to. Second, we will see what possible options there are for us to change our situation. And finally we’ll conclude. Of course I’m not telling you the conclusion right away.

Current situation: You’re very, very depressed. And frustrated. And you can do nothing about it. You’re in a dilemma. You can’t be negative about your situation because in a saintly moment, you promised yourself you never would even if it’s the only thing to do. You can’t be positive because, breaking news! You’re human. And bad things happen. (Here, considering your situation, you obviously ignore the fact that bad things happen to everyone. You’re just so full of yourself, mate.) You know you’re probably just exaggerating your situation, it’s not as bad as it sounds but hey, who needs logic when you’re feeling sorry for yourself? Yes, you guessed it right. You are the world’s most pathetic little creature whose good luck finds its root and shoot in the depths of terrible, terrible luck. Did I mention exaggeration?

You’re an innocent little angel who has the whole universe against her/him. It’s like every single living being is thinking of ways to torture you and tear you to pieces. (Remember the “full of yourself” part throughout.) They probably don’t know if you exist or not, but no logic when you’re sad, absolutely none. On second thoughts, see…you don’t even have an existence in their life. You poor, poor baby.

You’re in your room feeling sorry for yourself and your sibling barges in asking for a favor. You don’t usually deny it but because you’re so sad you refuse to do it. And you get to hear that you’re the worst sister/brother in the whole entire world. That may be just a frustrated sentence of an obviously pissed sibling, but you take it to heart and include your family in that list of people who are meant to torture you.

You have best friends who mean the world to you. You meet them, talk a lot, have fun and feel like all is right in the world. You pour your heart out to them, they listen, pull your leg, laugh with you and you feel so good. Then everyone gets a little busy, because you got college and millions of other assignments that need your time. But you’re content because you know you have friends. Friends who listen to you and make you feel good about yourself. Then someone, or Facebook, tells you a news about them that you expected to hear from themselves. You doubt your friends for a minute before the reason gets better of you and you decide that it’s okay, they’ll tell me when they feel comfortable. But they don’t. And you feel like such a “full of yourself” fool to go on and on with them about your feelings without letting them talk about theirs. So you stay quiet. And so do they. And silence isn’t always good for relationships. You get yourself more work to stay busier. Because you don’t want to think that you had friends. Friends who do not talk to you about themselves and make you feel bad about yourself. (For all my best friends who wanted me to write about them, you got it.)

You feel lost and sad and dejected. And just when you’re about to give up, people come in your life and make you feel that you mean the world to them. It takes a little time but they’re so good that you finally realize that you’ve a reason to live and someone is out there watching for you and there for you, come what may. And as quickly and unexpectedly as they come, they leave. And you are expected to understand.  But don’t feel bad, they care for you. They are practically saints. And did I mention that they are doing it for your own good; because you’re so good and you deserve so much better? Yeah, right. You cry and mope and whine. You roll over the floor banging your fists and kicking your legs and doing everything to cover the hurt inside. You’re sad. Then you’re angry. Then you’re very angry. Then you don’t care. After some time and few self help books, you take it as a learning experience; see glass half full blah, blah, blah. And finally you’re here reading this piece because you still have no idea what you’re doing with your life.

One moment, you’re doing just fine with your forcefully-moved-on life, at least that’s what your pictures say, and the next you’re hit by the realization that you’re the worst human being alive. You try to convince yourself that you’re not. So what if your family thinks every child save theirs is doing better? So what if your friends think you are not worth their time? So what if your love life is practically non existent? So what if you ask God for a break and you get a broken limb? You still have people who would understand and care to know what’s happening without making you feel bad about yourself. Who would listen without judging. Who would tell you that everything will be fine because they’re with you. Convinced, you open you phone book and scroll through the names, stopping every now and then thinking who to text or call.

Stop 1: No, you don’t need the ‘I told you so” lecture.

Stop 2: No, you don’t want to hear them say ‘It’s life. That’s what happens. You have to move on.’ You’re fucking moving on already.

Stop 3: Uh, they won’t even care what you’ve to say.

Stop 4: Can you really text them without facing the awkward silence that will happen when you realize that you’re nothing for them now?

And there you reach the end of your list gawking at the fact that there’s no ‘one in a million’ for you anymore. Oh, the tears.

See? You’re alone. You run away from everything but where ever you go, there you are. Every time you smile, you smile a little extra thinking of the joy it would have brought to people you love. Every time you cry, you drop a few extra tears thinking of their absence. You live a double life; a life that you have and a life that you would have had. What a lovely sight! Had they seen it, they’d have liked it too. What a fun the ride was! Had they been here, they’d have enjoyed it so much. I shouldn’t do this. If they’d have seen me doing this, they’d have killed me. I look so funny! If they could see me right now, they would have laughed their heads off. If.

So, what possible options do you have? As you can see, there’re none. You’re damned, sweetheart. Trapped. You poor little thing. And this brings me to my concluding points. Yes, it’s abrupt, but aren’t you tired of reading?
 
You’re alone but it’s not your fault of course. People leave you for your own good.
(They are saints, remember?)
 
Bad things happen so you could appreciate good things.
(Good things Will happen, trust me. You’ll need this line all through your life though.)
 
Old leaves and flowers wither away so new ones could take their place.
(Don’t consider the fact that flowers and humans have essentially nothing in common.)
 
Everything happens for a reason. (Believe me, the reason is NOT to piss you off. Really.)
 
You’re a frustrated little angel who is forever wronged by the big, bad world and its people.
(Ignore you ever did anything bad yourself.)
 
The glass is half full, not half empty.
(… Don’t even ask…)
Mansi Sharma
Comments
  1. niharika says:

    verg good article

  2. hexstar says:

    the essence of total helplessness and sadness has been captured and blown into life boldly and very aptly.
    While reading one could easily see her/his own reflection and could understand (as you said) how full of themselves they are. 🙂

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