My conversation with life…

Posted: November 25, 2012 by Ankur in Writes...
Tags: , , ,

As the house sleeps in deep slumber at night 1 :00 am, when evn i should be in deepest of my dreams, i am awake, wide awake,, looking blankly at the ceiling above, , my mind is awake with strange questions, high ambitions, and it is yearning to talk its heart out,, well even at this time my 2 am friend would be sleeping peacefully, all i had was my mind and the long night, and my questions…i usually like the silence of the night, it brings me one o one with my thoughts, and thats exactly what was happening with me the other night,, i started to write an unusual conversation with life itself,, hoping that life would somewhere answer me that why its the way it is, why its not the way it should be,, i began with ,, 
me : hey life how have u been ,,
life : u know how i have been ,,,as if mockingly smiling at me at night 1:00 am
me : yeah i know not too smooth,, you have had a tough time throughout,,
life : yes.. and i dnt find any chance of easing the situations down for you too, its my gift to you …you see,,,
me : ahh yess , i do see, i have been seeing it for a while now, you love throwing challenges at me don’t you…?? i asked scornfully…
life ; well it was sent from above, i thought it must be for you,, so i just pass it on to you, but i do provide a lot of choices too,, to fight or to give up,
to smile or to cry, 
to win or to lose,
to make a difference or just sit where you are, don’t i ? 

me : oh yess,,, the choices, how can i forget that,,, u have had given me tough choices, real tough ones, sometimes i really wish there were no such things as choices, no decisions, no defining moments, no thinking twice before doing anything, 
i really wish, you were as soft as a rose petal, as melodious as a mother’s lullaby to her child which lulls her off to sleep with no worries,
as honest as if the word deciet never really existed, but thats all wishful thinking,, i find it instead cacophonic sometimes, unreciprocative, not even responding to help you out from the problem, thorny which prick,, and hurt

life: hmmm… i am not so bad as you think… i prefer taking an exam first and then teaching the good way,, u learn to get up 8 times after i make u fall 7 times, u learn to smile after i make you cry in the hardest times, you learn to trust after you have got betrayal in the first chance, above all i somewhere teach you to take risks, because that makes you believe in your strength and work on your weakness , thats why you succeed 90 % well 10 % u just leave it to him,, because you believe that i am a gift of his to you and he would always protect your gift that is your life, that is me 🙂 

Land eventually due to my tough ways which you and i both experience you learn to survive,,
me : but do i live sometimes ? i just survive,, i want to live life as the way i want,
my mind questioned back retortedly almost disturbing the silence when it realised my voice had too counted in the question.. 

To this life replied diplomatically and cunningly,, again your choice.. do u wanna celebrate or just exist.. if you wanna celebrate then work hard,, to make it worthwhile, and if you want to just exist then just do nothing and sit and blankly look at where i am going….

I asked almost crying out.. why do you always have to answer this way??
to this life seemed to answer smilingly because i want YOU to make the right decision…
i asked and how do i do that, just like a lost child wants to know the way back home.

Sometimes i feel life shows an answer to everything….
and too this too it seemed to reply … by listening to your heart…
and i was still at the answer , still gazing at the ceiling, and the hour hand slowly ticking by 2:05 am,, i had still more questions… i am never short of them either in my mind or in my life.. 
i asked, doesn’t mind to play a role in this, ?? eagerly waiting for life to answer back in my imaginary conversation which was running in my mind…. 
life : yes it does, it has to be strong after the heart follows its way, after the heart does what it wishes to, the mind should be strong enough like the heart to be strong, to be calm to be poised, to rule out negativity after you decide that this is it… 
me : what if ?? it does… 
life : then it is your responsibility to act like a shield and safegaurd the heart’s decision . and not let any futile thought change it,, 
me : what if the heart is not right at times ? it may take the wrong decision, 
life : what if the mind is right according to you and yet the decision you make with mind is proved to be wrong .. ??
if you find logic with every thing.. you won’t find faith,,, faith doesn’t need logic, it just needs the heart as its place.. to reside…

I looked still ,, at life as it how easily it answered my most complicated question.. well i had even more… and as if i wanted an answer to every thing happening,, every reason,, i was impatient, i was helpless, i was almost broken,,, life told.. 

Somethings are meant to be because god wants them to be like that ,, may be you are learning new things which you don’t realise now but you will realise later when you look at me, from some point of your life, where there will be questions as you have now, but you would have some answers too… 
i somewhere wanted to believe that,, may be i was learning something.. may be i was learning life.
for the first time i had a candid chat with my life,, trying to find reason.. trying to instill faith that whatever happens happens for the good,. and may be i wanted to take that as an answer to my unanswered question, to my question as in why i had failed.. to my question why i was left alone, to my question.. why i was made to cry.. ? life answers in some way or the other

As i looked outside the window…there was tinge of sunlight in the dark sky…. the dawn had come.. a new day had begun…filling my heart with hope and gratitude to life that whatever it had given me i would live it,, as i CHOSE to do so,, 🙂 and my converstaion with my life that night taught me something new…that life is all about choices folks,, never chances…

Mili Biswas

NIFT

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