I often used to say “Let’s go “& after that you were always like “Where? “. I wish I could say “Come with me, be mine forever I really need you & you are just made for me ……” But I just wish that; don’t know when this thing is going to turn into reality, so that I can feel the love around me. I wish I could say, it’s just you who fills the space of my life, I wish I could feel you every right moment beside you in your lap, but these all things I just wish. Living this life is now a pathetic deal for me, which I use to make with this fake world around me.
Once as always when you asked me “Where ? , I replied “ to my wonderland ”. Instantly I thought will she? And just 1 thing stroked my mind “Why would she “. She can be someone’s life but I may not. But ironically she missed my words. Everything went into her ears n then to her mind n then to her heart except this “ to my wonderland “.What more I can do for this thing apart from laughing on my fate again.
Sometimes I was left speechless to your words, to your feelings for others, your love for others because I knew somewhere in the corner of my heart I had a kind of feeling which I will be confessing fearlessly cause that was not other than “ I was desperate “. Yes, I was. Well I will say yes, I am & can also even say now “I will be “. Who knows may be in a next fraction of second I will be out of this world & will be sitting above my grave and will be looking at you crying. Who knows yes, who knows? That was something special what I always felt for you dear and I really don’t know what exactly that was. Dear you always made my day by not just wishing me a good morning but by making me to feel that you care for me. That was never when I became harsh to you, you know why? Because it drives me crazy when you at least for a moment behave as my girl to me & not even in my nightmare I will commit the mistake of ruining that feeling. I wa nt you to feel the same for me for my whole lifetime.
Counting of the days and the nights & the every second that I spent talking to you forces me to wish that if I can cherish those moments throughout my entire life. Why every time after talking to you for a long I used to feel I was with you, beside you? Dear this is the thing which really screeches me out of my thoughts, when I used to sit alone and think what I got exactly from this life. You mean a lot but what if one day I will lose you for my own mistake only? This thing only kills me every day, every night and every hour. I was often pulled out of my flawless life and was carried into a world where I can literally see nothing except this one thing called “fake “. The world around me will always be counting the days which I spent happily but will never the days which I lived just crying deep. I am a human too, I too have a heart n which is unfortunately deep drowned in pain and cursing for a hand to pull myself out. How it feels if I found that hand as no t other than yours. I wish dear, I just wish certain things but don’t have really that guts to turn them into reality because I am afraid of losing hope again. You might have heard people often saying ” I am so lonely”, I am too one of them howling for a place than this emptiness…..
Love of your life
Nikhil Das
College of Engineering Bhubaneswar
'Campus Writing' 