If wishes were horses beggars would ride, indeed: A Lesson well learned

Posted: April 14, 2013 by Ankur in Contest, Writes...
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It was perhaps in the year 2007 or in the year 2008 that my parents got legally separated. It was in the court that I had seen the two of them together, that too for the very last time. It was also a time that my Board exams were knocking at the door. Henceforth, it was to be ensured on my part that I performed exceptionally well, though I must say that I was terrible at Mathematics. I still am. Anyways, since I was heavily inclined towards the Arts I performed exceptionally well in English, Bengali and Social Science having got an A+ in each one of them. Though my life was at crossroads and I had to choose for myself as to how my life would shape up, it was imperative that I took charge of my life. Finally! And I did. At this juncture I need to dwell upon some aspects of my life which harbor immense importance as far as my life is concerned. This is because as long as these aspects that I’m talking about are not clarified, it would be di fficult to perceive the picture in a comprehensive holistic perspective. It is my life, after all. And it is completely up to me as to what I make of it. Henceforth, I would not shirk from admitting facts that others would consider personal and would feel apprehensive to disclose them. So, without further ado, I’ll just hit the nail straightaway on its head. As I mentioned at the very onset, the time that my parents were getting divorced was clashing with my approaching Board Exams. There was so much chaos in the house regarding the separation that was about to take place. No wonder, it was affecting me psychologically. I knew the reason of the divorce and hence I could empathize and not simply sympathize with my mother. My father was all responsible for it, for he never had the time to devote some of his quality time to his wife and his own child owing to the fact that he was highly addicted to alcohol. My mother had tried to the best of her efforts to bring about a noticeable change in him just for the sake of keeping the family together. But nothing unfortunately was falling into place. Everything seemed so bleak that hell broke loose. And finally the divorce did take place. Though it had upset me to every extent humanly understandable I was trying to pick up the stones and move forward in life. My mother would cry in front of me and would plead such that I could release her from the trauma that she was going through with each passing day. I really do not know why I would feel so guilty stricken. I could understand her emotions but was unable to reconcile to the fact that a family that was nourished with so much of love and affection was finally going to fall apart. At last, I did give in to her incessant pleas. I did ask her to divorce my father and live a life on her own terms. She really deserved that much in the course of the 16-17 years of her marriage with my father. Today I blame no one. Its my fate indeed. But what is so significant has to be analyzed extremely psychologically. Why did not a marriage which lasted for about 16-17 years fell on its knees? This is a question which perturbed me to a great extent. I realized the answer to this question when I took up Psychology in my +2. I still remember that I got the highest in this subject itself. Anyways, I realized with great efficiency that every relationship whether affinal or consanguinal needs an amount of space that it so rightfully deserves. Trust, space and compromise ought to be the hallmark of every relationship in concern. I tended to realize though slowly that may be one of these elements was missing in the relationship that my parents shared. I won’t talk about the hardships that I faced simply because this is something every child of a divorced couple faces or perhaps continues to face. And yes, I am one amongst them indeed. So, I would love to conclude my set of experiences here because of the fact that I feel I’ve said enough. Said even more than what I had expected myself to write about. Having said that, I must admit that I really haven’t lost faith in the institution of marriage too surprisingly indeed. On the contrary, these experiences have strengthened and has reaffirmed my faith in this institution even more. I’ve realized that a person learns when he makes mistakes and falters but to make amends very soon. Hence, at this juncture I hold my head high because I’m well aware of the ingredients to sustain a marriage. This is to talk about a marriage that not only sustains itself on grounds of love and faith, but on grounds of space and acceptance as well. Hence, had I really not experienced all this, I really would’ve missed out on an experience of what I call something which comes so rarely in life. I thank my stars for all of this and frankly speaking, I’ve started taking everything in my stride from that day onward. It’s been an experience and I say this being as proud as possible.

Rajarshi Das

Jadavpur University, Department of History



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