Dream, Love, Mistake, Pain & Life

Posted: April 16, 2013 by Ankur in Contest, Writes...
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You must dream, to set your goals, but u must wake up and work for them to realize it.

But, when your dreams are the ones that keep you up for countless nights and keep you tormenting through the day, you must realize, it’s time to dream something new, or get over the dream. I learnt it the hard way.

Every day, is special, and has something new for us to learn. But, there are a few extra-special days, which stand out, for reasons which brings emotions flooding to us, some happy, some sad and sometimes, the worst kind…a mix of both.

I’ll speak of a dream I had, in the form of a young lady. She was a classmate of mine, since nursery till class xii. I have known her for the past 18 years of my life as a friend, a guide, a confidante and later as a lover. The dream was a simple, yet very hard to achieve one, to live happily. We knew, our parents wouldn’t be too enthusiastic about the relation, we knew our relatives will ask too many questions , we knew that we would fight too often, but still, we chose to hold on to the dream. As school got over, we parted ways to our respective universities, with the promise to “catch-up” every day and love each other over the distances. We loved each other, and nothing, or no-one could ever come between us, at least we thought, assumed and reassured ourselves so. As the years kept on crossing, bitterness of the distance in between crept into our relation and soon, the question “how was your day?” , which once used to amuse us for hours became a pain to ask and reply. Our daily chatting had become a habit, rather than a moment of respite from everyday work. The conversations would last barely a few minutes and then we would have nothing more to talk about or a fight would break out. The feeling of a presence of a third person between us started creeping into me. And on one fine evening, I asked her, in all earnest, if there was something about a someone else she would like to tell me. She exploded with berating me as a non-trusting person, uncouth, uncaring and branded me as the typical boyfriend. I was ashamed. Ashamed that I had doubted her. As days went by, the doubt kept on nudging me but was put down with determination.

It was the day, I got my first job, through campus placements. Nice job in a foreign multinational company, good pay! Party commenced at my hostel room, alcohol and weed in great demand. To let my lady love know about my success, I called her up. Call waiting…once, twice, thrice….that night, I had called her up twenty-two times, that I realized later. With frustration, came anger and my doubt seared again…blame it on the alcohol et al., I checked her FB account. As I navigated to the “messages” section, in one swift moment, all the “high” feeling I had was wiped away as I found her chat logs. I read through my girlfriend’s chats with a classmate of her, realizing that my girlfriend had ceased to me mine since the past few months. In desperation, I called her up, and she did receive, annoyed that I had called her so many times, and I asked, “why didn’t you tell me?”. She knew, by the way I spoke and the way I asked that I knew about her, she replied, in the coolest of the ways, “I didn’t tell you coz it might have hurt you”. I had no answers to her explanation. She also added that I should have trusted her, and that I betrayed her trust by checking her chat logs, and in return, when I asked about her betrayal, she said, that since our relation was not working out, she had to. In one fleeting instant, more than a decade old bond of trust and friendship ended. The day which began as my happiest ended being in the superlatives of saddest.

It has been more than a year since this incident, but still, every word and expression is seared into my memory. I do not talk to her anymore, but I haven’t been able to delete the photographs I had of “us”. In retrospection, I realized my mistakes of being too caring and too protective. 

As time has taught me, to ignore, is a grave mistake, but to give importance to a person, way more than she deserves, is a sin.

Kaustav Sen

 

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